Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness

If you are a weekly reader, you will know that in February I went through a breakup.  If you are someone who knows me personally, you will know that I am in the best state of mind I have ever been, and have never been happier!  I have wanted to create this post for some time now but knew that I needed to give time before I do so.  I am by no means attacking anyone, simply just sharing how I survived my breakup and how you can too.  

When people heard about my breakup, they hesitantly would ask “how are you doing?” putting emphasis on it to imply they knew but didn’t want to acknowledge the situation for fear of me bursting into tears or sharing too much that they maybe weren’t ready to hear.  I, for lack of a better term, ‘bounced back quickly’, moving on with my life, which I know some people are still asking me about.  So many people I know have commended my strength throughout the situation and after.  However, I believe it is with challenging situations, not just breakups, that we show our true colours.  For me, I came out stronger on the other end.  Below I have created my top four tips to remember when going through a breakup.  In fact, you can apply these tips to any situation that may be causing drastic change or stress in your life.  
 

  1. Grieve it and leave it.  We all need time to grieve.  Regardless of the situation of grieving, whether it is through death – or a breakup in this case – the situation must be acknowledged in order to accept it and move on.  When we don’t, emotions often come out later on and it takes longer to overcome the situation as a whole.  My breakup occurred on February 5th and on February 14th (ironic I know!) I truly allowed myself to accept the situation and move on.  I cried, A LOT.  I didn’t eat very much.  I barely slept.  All typical experiences after a breakup.  It’s okay.  No one knew because I took my time and allowed it to sink in before sharing.  I allowed myself time to grieve but then I decided it was time to close that door and move on, which is where the following tips come into play.
  2. Rekindle your passion for you.  Being in a relationship for almost three years, sometimes my interests would be put on the back burner.  I definitely did my own thing and we shared a lot of common interests, but relationships involve a lot of give and take and compromise so sometimes you have to make changes to your plans.  That is okay.  If you are in a relationship now, I am not here telling you to change that.  Sharing experiences with someone else is truly special.  However, I know from others’ relationship experiences that have been shared with me, we sometimes forget about ourselves in order to make the ‘we’ work.  Immediately after my breakup, I began focusing even more so on getting to the finish line of my university career.  I spent more time on my career goals as I would be entering the real world so soon.  I took time to spend with myself, watching baseball alone and yelling at the TV (taking after my dad), reading my latest book without being disrupted, or putting on my pjs before dinner and not being bothered.  Relationships are a truly special experience but we sometimes forget what we need as an individual, so I reminded myself.
  3. Reconnect with your friends.  Again, because you are often involved so heavily with one person, other friendships suffer simply because we can’t be in multiple places at one time.  I surrounded myself with my close friends as soon as I was ready and their support helped immensely.  I am so fortunate to have friends who were there to support me and listen to my worries, yet be honest enough to offer an opinion I could respect and appreciate.  At first I thought being alone to suffer through my feelings was the best way, but I quickly realized I had so many people in my corner and I was going to be okay.
  4. Never settle.  My dad and I actually had this discussion this weekend and I told him I will never settle for anything that won’t bring me the most amount of happiness.  This tip applies to life in general for me, not just relationships.  I do not wake up to be mediocre and satisfied.  I wake up to be the best I can be.  I want that in a relationship.  I will never settle for someone who I don’t know 100% can support me and I can be happy with.  I realized this after that week long emotional roller coaster that if someone didn’t want to be with me for whatever reason, I was not about to settle for something less than I deserve or change my ultimate path to compromise.  


Everyone experiences breakups differently.  When it first happens, your immediate reaction is to think the world is ending.  I certainly can admit to that.  My head spun wondering what people would think of me and how my life would change.  After that initial thought, I left those worries at the door.  I never cared what people thought of me before, so that wasn’t going to change after my breakup.  I reminded myself that, in order to get where I want to be, I will never forget my past, but instead use it to help me move forward. They are lessons learned that will add to my life experience and push me to where I want to go.  All that has been mentioned above is what truly helped me get to a state of happiness I have never experienced.  I wake up each day and go to bed at night with a smile on my face knowing that I am doing what I love.  And for that, I love myself and all that comes along with me.  Even if it is just one thing mentioned above, I hope you can find something that resonates with you for a personal experience or to share with someone else.  

“Never settle for less than you deserve.”  We all deserve the best, so go out there and get it!

Be fierce.  Be strong.  Be vibrant.

Rachel

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