Shake It Off

Not that I am one to stay dialed in to every celebrity relationship and breakup, but it did come across my social media newsfeeds over the last few days that Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris have split after a 15 month relationship.  It isn’t anyone’s business as to why any couple, in the spotlight or not, ends things, but of course, since they are celebrities, the public now feels the opportunity to criticize.  I am by no means a Taylor lover or hater, (I’ll listen to her music but probably not go to her concert), but she has had some pretty intense and bold remarks shot her way.  Some people have gone as far as calling her a lesbian simply because she ‘can’t keep a man’. If that is the case, big deal, but no one should make such bold statements about someone else without knowing the facts. I am definitely not here to give my two cents on why she has gone through multiple relationships but more so to comment on why it is okay for women to be single or alone AND have it have nothing to do with something being wrong with them.  Shocking, I know!

Earlier this week, I had a similar conversation with a friend of mine.  She said how she isn’t currently dating or really interested in being in a relationship.  Shocking to hear her reasoning, I realized this is the truth for a lot of women.  She told me she doesn’t feel comfortable in her own skin, lacks some self-confidence, and fears that she may not be able to live up to the expectations that come with being in a relationship.  WOW. I know she definitely isn’t the only one who feels this way.  Coming out of a three year relationship just four months ago, my personal story has taken a totally different approach than this.  I just finished university and I am now looking to start my own business, so for me, my focus is ME and my goals.  I am not afraid of being in a relationship if the time is right with the right person, but I recognize a lot of others may not feel the same way I do.

Why is that?  A lot of people are quick to judge, not only Taylor, but any woman, when a relationship fails.  When two people don’t work out the first thing that comes to mind is all of the shortcomings of those people right? Well, maybe regardless of it being a male or female, that person has different aspirations or goals than their partner. Maybe it just wasn’t as serious as everyone from the outside thought it to be. The expectations that come along with a relationship need to be left at the door.  What I have learned from the few relationships I have been in is that you and the person you are with set the expectations for YOUR relationship.  I have even seen it with my own parents.  They do things separately.  They do things together.  AND they are happy.  You decide with your partner what works for you.  
Society also paints this picture that women should aspire to get married and become a wife and potential mother.  If that is your plan, great! I, too, one day hope to live happily ever after with a husband and family.  Do I see that happening any time soon? Nope, because I have other goals I want to accomplish and work towards currently.  Is this the only path we have to take? Nope.  Get married if you want, date lots if you want, be single and do your own thing if you want.  We need to worry less about the judgement from others and be confident with what our true passions and desires are and chase them.  

Ladies, let’s stop worrying about chasing the ‘right’ guy and do our own thing, whatever that may be.  The right guy will come along and be impressed with the confidence you have in doing what you are passionate about.  What I have learned over the last short while and especially reminded of this week is that we need to follow our own path or our calling and the rest will fall into place.  Often times we stumble upon great things when we aren’t looking for it.  I will end with one of my favourite quotes I came across on Twitter this morning from Doctor Seuss.  It reminded me to let the criticisms from others go and just be happy. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.  

Be fierce.  Be strong.  Be vibrant.

Rachel

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