Will I be good enough?

Sorry for the one week hiatus last week! A few people asked about me not posting last week and it felt good to know that people besides my mom actually read this! (Thanks Mom!)  I am back and ready to have another amazing week as we head into December. 

This weekend I went home to spend time with my family and I had time to finally sort through some old things (over a year after my family moved :P).  I stumbled upon a journal I kept in grade 12 when I was struggling with anxiety.  The psychologist I was seeing at the time suggested I write down my feelings and emotions every day to help me better deal with what was going on.  I went through some of the pages and boy was it more emotional than I was expecting.  Some were silly things about my high school boyfriend or a small school assignment, others were about my relationship with my mom (teenage girls are not easy!) and my feelings of self worth.  One comment in particular stood out to me that I wrote on February 4th, 2011.  It read, “will I be good enough?”

As a teenage girl at the time, pressure comes from our peers, and family, but ultimately ourselves.  We are learning who we are as an individual person separate from our families and how to identify ourselves.  My anxiety was at an extreme high during this time and I know that my self worth and confidence suffered.  Looking back on that situation today makes me feel sad.  But I also feel so proud of myself.  I feel extremely confident in my own skin and know that I had to overcome a lot of self doubt to be in a position where I am today.  

As many of you know, I have been struggling with an injury for the past few months.  It has not only taken a toll on my body physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I can’t work as much as I need and want to, I am unable to exercise, and my energy levels have been all over the place because of it.  I feel restricted in my own body and lately have been wondering if I will ever be the same.  It is going to take months to get back on track as it has been nearly 3 months since I have been healthy.  It is frustrating to think that all of the work I put in each day to feel and look great is now taking a pause.  I am feeling better than before but am not at a point to get back to exercising and moving.  The lack of motivation to actually get things done is hard to deal with, too.  Knowing I can only do so much in a day and to pace myself discourages me from wanting to do much of anything.  

I am trying to channel the idea that this is the best time to get all of the not so physical things done that I want to do.  I’ve been reading lots on various topics to expand my knowledge in business and fitness.  I’ve also got some upcoming projects I now have the time to plan out.  Getting my motivation back has been challenging but reading that one small question I wrote back on February 4th in 2011 is all I needed to set myself back on track.

My physical fitness will get back on track.  I need the rest and recovery now to allow myself to push harder once I am fully healed.  My life is awesome and I need to remember that! I have so many other things to be proud of and need to remember that although fitness and exercise is something I am passionate about, it is not the only thing that defines me.  This injury has challenged me to become even more multi dimensional and to step outside my comfort zone to learn in new ways (like sitting and reading instead of doing!)  I am good enough and I always have been; having the right mindset and support system around you is the key to believing it for yourself.

Be fierce.  Be strong.  Be vibrant.

Rachel

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