It's better to be alone than in bad company
“It’s better to be alone than in bad company.”
A bold but true statement… at least for me. I have been single now for a year and a half and let me tell you, I am not one to waste my time on people who I don’t feel deserve it. A few weeks back I was discussing with a single, female friend how we feel about being single. I couldn’t help but feel the need to write my thoughts down as it has been consuming my mind in my free time. Not because I am desperate to find ‘the one’ today, but because I am sure there are more people out there feeling the same way as me.
My friend expressed how she is tired of being single and would really love to meet someone who she can go on adventures with, experiencing the world. She wants someone to come home to at night and tell about her day. I, too, would love for that to happen, but I made a strong point to say that looking hard doesn’t bring those people to you. When you are confident, hard-working and busy in the right ways, you will attract people who admire those qualities in you – or at least that is what I am hoping for! Fingers crossed! As for coming home to someone, my parents might like that, seeing as right now I will call them a million times a day to share everything that goes on!
I have had two boyfriends; one in high school and one in university. Both relationships lasted roughly 3 years. In hindsight, neither relationship was giving me what I needed. Sounds harsh, I know. But I guess it is what I felt I needed at the time. When my boyfriend broke up with me somewhat abruptly last February I was devastated – for a week. That is all I gave myself. I told myself, “Rachel, you have so much going for you that one boy who doesn’t value your importance is not worth your time”. From that day on, ironically Valentine’s Day, it was all about me.
What I have learned that comes with being single is that everyone now tries to set you up with fellow single people they know. AKA my Aunt Monica’s friends (who I know read this and I love! haha). I totally appreciate that others try to give me a push to meet someone. However I really find this whole dating thing weird, challenging, and gives me a strange anxiousness. I think I am quick to assume the worst, and try not to let people in so quickly, because in my past experiences that hasn’t gotten me too far.
I have the tendency to be my mother’s daughter (in more ways than one). With myself, I’ve noticed that I am always willing to bend over backwards for my partner and be there to support them wherever I can. With my ex-boyfriends, I am not saying that they did not support me, but it is possible that I might have put in so much energy into our relationship that they did not know how to reciprocate. Bottom line is when I enter a relationship, I like to be all in, but for it to be successful, I’ve learnt that it has to be a two way street. Now, my approach is more hesitant and reserved because I have also learned that not everyone has the same intentions when sparking a conversation as you might assume.
As this post seems like I am a sad sack over here whom is on the verge of being single forever – cue the dramatic music – what I am realizing is that this year and a half has taught me to appreciate the little things. I love spending time alone, truly understanding what I want, what I don’t, and how that has changed from my past. The time I have spent single has allowed me to do my own thing. It may happen soon or it may happen months away from now but I know that the next relationship I am in will be different because I love myself and all the unique parts that make me who I am. The way I see it, I’d rather be alone and succeed than with someone who doesn’t truly value my aspirations and want to support me all the way. I want to be pushed up, not pulled down.
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
Be fierce. Be strong. Be vibrant.